Upcoming posts

Posts I need to update this blog with:

  • The affair with the Lithuanian boy
  • The hot and sexy half-Turkish, half-French guy who gave me an STD
  • The Romanian builder I picked up at Hyde Park
  • The guy with a 10-inch cock who I hooked up with on Squirt
  • The builder I met in a Brazilian metro toilet
  • The two sauna visits in São Paulo, Brazil – 269 Chilli Pepper and Wild Thermas Club

All of the above happened last year and has been written down in notebooks. I just need to put my ass down and type them out.

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Posted in Cruising, Relationships, Sauna | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Blowjob Hungry

Last week, I visited G.A.Y. Late for the first time, with a Lithuanian boy I’ve been dating for the past 10 months, plus some of his friends. I had already been drinking with some co-workers before joining them; by the time I got there, I was happy, horny and a bit high on life.

There was a nice mixture of people in the club, the music was fun, and it felt easy to chat to random people (mostly when waiting for my turn at the bar). The Lithuanian boy had his sister with him, so I couldn’t exactly grab him in full view, but I kept sneaking kisses whenever nobody was looking. He enjoyed it a lot.

I walked home alone around 4 in the morning, past other drunks, on the way to the flat in King’s Cross I’m currently subletting. I was so horny I started eyeing solitary guys walking past me and messaging random guys on Grindr, asking if they’d like a blowjob.

A few said yes but then the chats didn’t progress (which always seems to be the case with hook up apps.) One guy, however, in his 20s, bearded, told me to come over to his place. He was going to leave the door open, the lights off. He wanted to get blown in the dark.  What did I do? Sent him a pic of my body… and burst his fantasy bubble. He messaged back, disappointed. He hadn’t asked to see any photos. He wanted the surprise of who would show up.

I ended up going to sleep unsatisfied.

Last night, my boyfriend went out drinking with friends and never came home. Apparently, he ended up going home with a hot spanish guy he’s fancied for ages. Really hope they hooked up! 🙂

I’ve douched, showered, taken my PrEP and I’ll be leaving the house soon for lunch with friends.  I’m determined that today is the day I’ll visit my first London sauna.  I’m going to Pleasuredrome, a sauna I’ve wondered about for so very long. Today, I’m finally going past those front doors and spending some good hours with other Londoners.

Edit. Just heard back from boyfriend. They did hook up! Very happy and pleased for him. 🙂

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Public Toilet Sex and Shame

Photo of men cruising a Berlin public toilet, copyright Marc Martin

Photo of men cruising a Berlin public toilet, copyright Marc Martin

A few months ago, a reader left a comment: “can I email you?” I replied with a “what’s up” and he explained his therapist had encouraged him to drop me a line (which he thought was funny as he rarely did what his therapist told him to do.)

He talked about being stuck in boring presentations at work, his mind on which toilets he could cruise afterwards. But also of feeling ashamed and dirty, hoping he could speak to someone who did the same as him. About feeling “so fucking alien and abhorrent all the time”.

And he asked a question which I extend to all readers of this blog: do you wonder whether you are the only one who feels shame when cruising? That the other guys are “happy go lucky, cock swinging, cum swallowing free spirits?”

I’ve been thinking about a blog post on this subject since then. Him and I have chatted over email in the meantime and I have to apologise A. for taking so long to reply to you! But I think I finally found your answer, and it’s thanks to an exhibition currently taking place in Berlin.

A new exhibition at Berlin’s Schwules* Museum explores the history of toilet cruising through photos, historical objects, and oral histories. The exhibition Fenster Zum Klo [Window to the Toilet]: Public Toilets, Private Affairs is by the French photographer Marc Martin.

The exhibition’s page talks about how “such activities are, even today, more synonymous with shame than with gay pride. And yet, these public toilets, whose history is intertwined with the lives and adventures of many gays, trans people, escorts, libertines, are also unlikely bastions of freedom.”

I haven’t seen the exhibition so can’t comment on it specifically, but the images I’ve seen online as well as reviews in some websites seem positive. Marc Martin’s point seems to be that these places, far from being focal points for shame, were the places where men met when they couldn’t go anywhere else, when paper ads and hook up apps didn’t exist. In a way, gay cruising is part of the process in the 20th century of bringing out into the open gay men’s sexuality, even if it was a (not always) secretive act.

VICE has two articles on the exhibition. The first is an interview with Marc Martin. Marc talks about how “these so-called squalid, gloomy and stinking places were incredible places of social mixing: gays and straights of all social strata, men of all ages, cultural and religious backgrounds came together there.”

One interesting point from the interview is that there’s a whole history of lesbians using public toilets also for  hookups, which is still  unknown to the greater culture.

The other VICE article is by Jeff Leavell, who talks about the freedom and beauty he found cruising for sex. It’s interesting to hear his first experiences as a teenager in New York, and I agree with him when he says that “cruising can bring together people from wildly different paths in life, and that’s part of its magic.” I can relate to this – I’ve hooked up and met guys from so many different cultures, ages and backgrounds – as has been documented in this blog!

Some people think cruising is dying (public toilets are certainly shutting down) and this might be the result of gay hookup apps. But I disagree there’s no longer an interest. I think there’s something in the mystery of “who am I gonna find there?” of cruising that’s more appealing than looking at photos on your mobile phone. The cruising spots that are still open in London are so filled with guys you sometimes can’t even move.

Some guys like the element of risk, or the chance of running into a straight guy who wants to experiment. For many gay guys, this is their first encounter with other gay men. It’s all valid, and all good in my opinion. But to answer the reader’s original questions, I think there are guys who feel shameful and dirty about cruising in toilets – Marc Martin talks about in his interview about an older man who cried at the exhibition as nobody knew he’d met his long term partner (who had recently passed away) in a cruisy toilet. They were too ashamed to tell others.

I wish I could visit Marc Martin’s exhibition before it closes in February 2018. Here’s to hoping it’s a great success and ends up travelling to Britain. 😉

Please share your thoughts in the comments section.  Would love to hear about your first time in a toilet, or maybe why you’ve never cruised one.  Let’s share more, let’s learn more from each other and, above all else, let’s not feel ashamed of ourselves. I personally feel really lucky to be a gay guy, to be part of this group of men in the world that are so diverse and beautiful, and I hope you feel the same (or are on your way to feeling it.)

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The Blue Room

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A week ago, my boyfriend and I travelled to the South Bank to meet some friends for dinner.

Outside Embankment station, my boyfriend said he needed to buy a toothbrush and would go look for it on Charing Cross. I told him I’d meet him at the restaurant and immediately thought of the Royal Festival Hall’s toilets, and of quickly dropping by to check them out.

First stop was the 1st floor toilet – the one right at the back, near the stage for free concerts. Usually there’s one or two guys hanging around those urinals (sometimes they even give the impression of having been standing there for hours!) There was just one guy washing his hands, a middle-aged Indian man, on his way out.

Tried the ground floor toilet next. An older man with glasses and white hair, carrying a plastic bag (real air of professor about him), followed me down the stairs. But when he saw me try to open the door and find it locked, he spun around and went back up. I took the side exit door and left the building.

I’d read online about the 4th floor blue toilet, so decided it was worth a quick visit to it before I joined my friends and boyfriend. I walked around the Festival Hall, went back in and took the elevator up to the 4th floor. The area was deserted. I went up a short flight of stairs and found the toilets to my left, tucked in a corner.

There was just one guy standing by the urinals, clearly cruising. He was short, bald, with a salt-and-pepper beard, a protruding belly and muscular tits. He reminded me of one of those muscular dwarves from the Lord of the Rings films.

After a few moments of tugging, we turned to each other and showed our cocks. His was about the same size as mine, 5.5 inches, but thicker, and with a big bush. He gestured for me to join him by his other side, away from the opening doors.  I did so.

Very soon we had our hands on each other’s cocks. He slid his hand under my balls, looking for my asshole. I moved closer to give him easier access. Then he slid his hand to my back and cupped my ass. I worked his shaft with my hand then leaned down and took him into my mouth. With his other hand he held my head and facefucked me. When I got up again, he opened his shirt and unbuckled his trousers. Then he started working on my belt.

I ran my hand through his thick chest hair. It was moist and smelt of cologne. I found one of his hard nipples and leaned down to chew it, but he whispered: ” no chewing, no chewing.” When I started licking and sucking it instead, he groaned “good boy”.

Suddenly the door opened and we fumbled back towards the urinals, pulling our trousers up. It was the professor type with his plastic bag. He went into the bathroom’s sole cubicle and shut the door. We went back to playing with each other. I sucked his cock a little more, and when I came up for air he slid his hand up my stomach to my chest, then back to my ass.

I felt too coscious about the noise we were making, with the other guy inside the cubicle. There were also my friends and boyfriend waiting for me. So I zipped up, patted his ass as a goodbye, and headed for the restaurant.

They were all sitting together, drinks already in front of them. “Where have you been?” my boyfriend asked with a humorous smile. He had guessed what I’d been up to.  I sat down and shared a private smile with him. And I hoped my friends wouldn’t smell cock on me as I leaned in for a cheek kiss.

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Bisexuality

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I’ve been fascinated for some time now with bisexual men. Do they really exist? Are they closeted gay men who can’t/won’t make the full transition to gay? How do they manage their desires? Do they like men and women equally, or does it vary down a scale? Not necessarily original questions, I know – I think the world has been asking itself the same questions for a long time now.

My curiosity may have been born when I was a teenager and fell in love with my best friend – a straight guy popular with the girls. I held the hope he would turn out to be gay, or bisexual, and fall back in love with me… but it wasn’t meant to be. He loved me and showed a lot of affection, but it was purely as a best friend – as a brother – but to my young, naive self, it was very confusing, and ultimately painful.

Five years ago, I visited a gay sauna for the first time and shagged a guy who claimed to have a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Then last year, I shagged a married guy with two kids. I didn’t get a chance to ask them about their sexuality – I wish I had.

I’m a firm believer in hearing each person out, letting each individual story speak for itself. What fits one person doesn’t necessarily fit anybody else. I asked recently a reader of this blog, HungMark, a guy who identifies himself as bisexual, how it was for him, and he gave me an insightful answer. But then I thought – why not extend the question to all readers of this blog?

So if there are any bisexual men reading this, I would love to hear from you. How did you discover you were bisexual? How does it work in your relationships? In your attraction to others? Does it perfectly describe how you feel? Or perhaps you don’t even think of yourself as bisexual, but as queer? (In the sense that you are attracted by the person and not by their gender or sexuality?)

Feel free to pose back any questions to me if you wish, or even challenge my views.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Haggerston Park and Bankers

A beautiful day in London yesterday, after what felt like weeks of poor, chilly weather. As it was Friday and I was under the buzz of a beer with co-workers, decided to walk home through Hackney rather than take public transport.

I’ve been wanting for ages to check out Haggerston Park’s toilets, after reading about it on Squirt.org, and walking past it some months ago. Friday afternoon, sunshine – it was bound to be busy right?

Unfortunately, there was nobody around, apart from some guys drinking beer nearby or sleeping on benches. I had posted a message on Squirt that I would be there soon, and maybe (or maybe not) that’s why a shirtless runner showed up soon, and then a bearded daddy on his bike.  But by then I was sitting outside, enjoying the good weather, so didn’t feel like going back inside.

Some 15 minutes later, a really attractive guy walked past me, full of purpose, straight for the toilets.  I waited a little and then followed – but he was gone.

I came away with the feeling that it’s a good place to meet guys, but it’s probably best to pre-arrange beforehand.

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I recently found out about Antonio da Silva’s films. One of them, BANKERS, is a documentary about City bankers who cruise public toilets. The trailer looks interesting, as well as other videos featured on Antonio’s website.

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The Cemetery Boy

I ran into the hot cemetery boy this morning, just outside Hackney Wick station. 

He was dressed in a black t-shirt and shorts, carrying his building material (he mentioning back then he worked as a builder.) He looked as sexy as ever as he bought his ticket and took the Overground to Stratford. I don’t think he saw me.

I’ve had a few messages with him since that encounter. Over Xmas I asked if he wanted to hook up, but he never replied to my WhatsApp. Then I found him on Grindr and later I dropped him a line saying someone I knew was looking for a builder. It didn’t come to nothing but I promised to let him know if I’d hear different.

Actually took me by surprise to see him in person, and in the daylight. It is about one year to the day since our hook up.

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