Life changes, lighter heart

A lot of things have happened since my last proper update. 

Back in October, my boyfriend and I decided to visit a gay sauna together for the first time. We went to Lads Locker Room in Bristol and it was a bit of a comedy night. A proper update on this will come soon.

Then in November, I nearly had a threesome with my best mate (straight) and his ex-girlfriend. This threw my head into a spin as it got me thinking if I was actually bisexual and never allowed myself to explore this before.

Finally, some weeks ago, I finally confessed everything to my boyfriend. Everything except this blog (but that’s probably happening one day too.)  I told him about all the toilet cruising over the years, the guys I met up and had sex with (and talked about here), the sauna visits in Leeds and then in Germany.  

I can now understand why the Catholic Church has the confessionary… the experience was almost religious emptying my heart to him. I felt so light the week afterwards, like I had taken LSD and wouldn’t come down. The experience was strong for him too, made him question who he thought I was. It led to many, many conversations – sometimes in the middle of the night – but it’s all been very positive.

Since then, we’ve been very open and honest with each other – we’ve realised that as 41 year old men we still have a long way to go and that we should be free to follow adventures if they arise – we want to keep things open but still respect and love each other. It’s a new journey for us, involving a lot of communication, but I think it’s going to be good.

This morning, I told him I had a fantasy of being in an orgy, and that led to more interesting conversations. I feel like I can finally be myself to him and not have to hide anything anymore. 

Tomorrow, I’m thinking of visiting Sweatbox, the gay sauna in central London. Would be my first time in a London sauna – and I’ll be telling my boyfriend all about it afterwards!

In a month’s time, that straight friend of mine is coming to visit and staying with us for a week… I predict a lot of deep conversations with him too. He knew everything before I told my boyfriend, he’s another one I can open my heart completely to.

And spring appears to be arriving in London… and life feels good.

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10 Responses to Life changes, lighter heart

  1. Hopman says:

    You’re a little vague on how your boyfriend reacted when you told him… Was he angry/hurt?

    • doriansmith5 says:

      Hey Hopman, it was a process with him – I think I was unconsciously preparing him for the talk. Last year I had told him about my first visit to a sauna and he then confessed he had an affair with a friend. Conversation continued after our visit to the sauna in Bristol, we got more and more open with each other. When I finally told him everything, it was during a walk through Victoria Park, and his first reaction was surprise that I would have kept secrets from him, that I would have thought he would judge me. His trip was more about me not trusting him (it got him thinking that he was projecting the image of an insecure guy that couldn’t take certain truths) than about what I had done per say. He did worry about the unprotected sex I had done, which I promised I would be more careful about in the future.

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