Every year, my boyfriend travels for a few weeks during summer time on business. This year won’t be any different, with him being away in August for a few weeks.
Last year, I made plans to visit saunas, hook up with guys online – all that stuff I think about but never action while he’s around. In the end, I didn’t do anything – stayed at home like a good boy.
But this year feels different. I’ve been going to the gym, and going for runs and swims. I have never been more fit, and horny. It’s a change to how I felt last year, when I was starting to get back into fitness but was still out of shape.
I’ve been researching which saunas to visit, their best days and times, and I’m even considering visiting Hampstead Heath at night to see what it’s like. I chat sometimes to guys online (on Squirt.org). I think about that married guy I nearly hooked up with last year. Then at night, I lie beside my boyfriend, caressing and kissing him, and we fall asleep together like friends. Our sex life is nearly non-existent.
Do I love my boyfriend? Yes, very much. He had his birthday soon and I wanted to surprise him by taking him to a sauna (he’s never been to one.) I wanted to open up to him, tell him about these cravings inside of me. Then I remembered a night last year, when we were out with friends, and I was feeling depressed and down. On the way home, him and a good friend suggested the three of us go to a sauna, to cheer me up. They were both serious, and my boyfriend was enthusiastic, but I was feeling so down I said no… I wish I had said yes! I wish I could remind my boyfriend of that night, that conversation… but that talk doesn’t come out.
I had my hair cut – a buzz cut – and I now look like a soldier. I’m viewing these impending visits to the saunas and sex grounds as a sort of research, where I get to see what life is like outside my monogamous relationship. I get to touch other guys and play deep and hard with them, and never learn their names. I get to please them, I get to cum in their arms. And then I get to write about it, save it as a memory. And when my boyfriend returns, it will as if a high came to an end.