Getting ready for cruising

gay sauna

Every year, my boyfriend travels for a few weeks during summer time on business. This year won’t be any different, with him being away in August for a few weeks.

Last year, I made plans to visit saunas, hook up with guys online – all that stuff I think about but never action while he’s around. In the end, I didn’t do anything – stayed at home like a good boy.

But this year feels different. I’ve been going to the gym, and going for runs and swims. I have never been more fit, and horny. It’s a change to how I felt last year, when I was starting to get back into fitness but was still out of shape.

I’ve been researching which saunas to visit, their best days and times, and I’m even considering visiting Hampstead Heath at night to see what it’s like. I chat sometimes to guys online (on Squirt.org). I think about that married guy I nearly hooked up with last year. Then at night, I lie beside my boyfriend, caressing and kissing him, and we fall asleep together like friends. Our sex life is nearly non-existent.

Do I love my boyfriend? Yes, very much. He had his birthday soon and I wanted to surprise him by taking him to a sauna (he’s never been to one.) I wanted to open up to him, tell him about these cravings inside of me. Then I remembered a night last year, when we were out with friends, and I was feeling depressed and down. On the way home, him and a good friend suggested the three of us go to a sauna, to cheer me up. They were both serious, and my boyfriend was enthusiastic, but I was feeling so down I said no… I wish I had said yes! I wish I could remind my boyfriend of that night, that conversation… but that talk doesn’t come out.

I had my hair cut – a buzz cut – and I now look like a soldier. I’m viewing these impending visits to the saunas and sex grounds as a sort of research, where I get to see what life is like outside my monogamous relationship. I get to touch other guys and play deep and hard with them, and never learn their names. I get to please them, I get to cum in their arms. And then I get to write about it, save it as a memory. And when my boyfriend returns, it will as if a high came to an end.

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6 Responses to Getting ready for cruising

  1. Frank Williams says:

    We are kindred spirits. I have been with my bf for 20 years, our sex life non existent. I have the same feelings of wandering but never action. Odd look, odd wank here and there. Usually involving a cottage or a swim. I love to swim, feel fit, get a tan, but why. I don’t have anyone to share it with. Do I love him? With all my heart – best time of the day is when we go to bed but…….. F ________________________________

    • doriansmith5 says:

      Thanks for your comment F. I wonder how many guys in long term relationships feel this way? And what’s the answer? How can we make it better? I have feelings of guilt because I don’t want to hurt my partner, but I also can’t stop myself from looking at other guys, craving being with them.

  2. Seb says:

    Hi Dorian,

    I love your blog and have got off to it loads of times. I quite often identify with your experiences and fantasies. Like you, I quite often go into cottages, soak up the atmosphere, check out the action and leave before anything can begin.

    I’ve had similar feelings about cruising and cottaging after being with my bf for over a decade. Sometimes he and I get lazy and don’t have sex for ages. Even when we do, it’s a world away from the exciting fantasies about cruising and cottaging and strangers that you and I seem to share. I’ve come close to being unfaithful, but I know that I will have to live daily with the guilt if I do. My plan is to rebuild my sex life with my bf and then talk to him about exploring saunas, an open relationship etc. I don’t want to sound like a maiden aunt but I really recommend you do something similar: open up to your partner about the sex life you want. Lots of gay men have sex lives that transcend normal, orthodox ones, but the foundation for that is trust. In the meantime, fantasies and workouts and flirtations can be a pretty good substitute.

    I really hope I don’t sound prudish. I really want you and I and guys like Frank to have the exciting sex lives we dream of. I think/hope we can do that without making our partners unhappy.

    Seb

    • doriansmith5 says:

      Thanks Seb for your comment – I have a feeling we are very similar! 🙂

      In a way the genie is out of the bottle already for my boyfriend and I because we have talked about being open before and he gave me his blessing – but I agree with you that I should chat with him again and get a confirmation again (that chat was some years ago).

      Out of curiosity, which parts of the blog have got you off? 🙂

      • Seb says:

        Yes, it sounds like you’re in a very different position to me and my man. We have talked about open relationships but he doesn’t seem very interested by the idea and has said he would feel jealous if I did. We have different attitudes to sex, I think. It’s interesting that for me the idea of anonymous sex is such a turn-on. It’s the ultimate disassociation from the kind of romantic sex wher eyou know someone intimately. I don’t know, maybe it would be different if I lived in London.

        Your boyfriend seems open to the idea of sex with other guys, and I would say the proof of things is that having had his blessing, your relationship still sounds stable and loving. I know you haven’t been getting up to much, but I also think that must be partly the reality of an open relationship: there’s plenty of other stuff to do!

        What bits of the blog have got me off? Off the top of my head, it’s stuff about sharing glances with guys, that sense of understanding between the two of you that there is more going on than meets the eye. I like the story of the unassuming gym-goer who said about how good such-and-such lido is, not knowing what you and the muscle daddy were really talking about. One of the hot things about gay interaction is all the stuff that goes unspoken. When that’s in the atmosphere, it’s surely got to be as hot as the actual fuck.

        ~Seb

      • doriansmith5 says:

        Thanks for letting me know Seb – hope you continue to enjoy the blog. I’ve decided I want to broach this with my boyfriend, and the way I’m going to do it is find a guy for him to fuck and for me to watch – a sort of gift. I want him to enjoy himself as well and be happy, I want us to be old men together, looking back at a varied, satisfying sex life!

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