I went swimming yesterday morning and then cruising at Liverpool Street station. It was midday by the time I got there, so I bought a sandwich and sat by the toilets’ entrance, watching what sort of guy came and went. Amidst the travelers and incontinent grandpas I could spot the men searching for a bit of play by the urinals.
One of the men that came out was my ideal: tall, gray cropped hair, muscular and about 15 years older than me. He saw me watching him and I could tell he was interested. He sat down a few feet away from me and I caught him looking at me twice. Done with my sandwich, I went to Boots to buy some condoms and lube, but gave up on my plan after I saw so many women circling the shelf. I went back to the toilets and Mr Ideal Guy was gone. I assumed he’d returned to his office so I went downstairs and got change to go through the turnstile.
The toilet was empty apart from guys in the cabins and one asian guy in the corner of the urinals that didn’t interest me. I pulled out my cock and started pissing when I noticed through the corner of my eyes someone joining me: it was Mr Ideal Guy! He must have followed me in or been inside a cabin: he pulled out a gorgeous cock and spread out his legs. My heart skipped and I zipped up. After washing my hands, he headed for the cabins and made a gesture for me to join him inside. Like a coward, I ran away.
They say you should be careful what you wish for… you may get it. And it’s true. There was my ideal guy, offering himself up to me, and I couldn’t handle it. My apartment was empty because my boyfriend was at work: I could have easily brought him home with me. I came home, filled up the bathtub and jerked off to a video.
The ideal man escaped through my fingers. He could have laid me on my bed and fucked me senseless. He could have fed me his cock until my mouth was filled with milk. My fear is: of the ideal man, of hurting my boyfriend, of hurting this image of myself as a gay man that doesn’t fuck around. Monogamy is a chain around my ankle. And I’m a hypocrite because I have already fucked around and can’t claim to be virginal and innocent… I hope Mr Ideal Man didn’t think I was a lame cock teaser.