Monogamous and Horny

Over the holidays, my boyfriend and I visited a couple of gay friends for a week. We were two monogamous couples under the same roof so nothing sexual happened. However, talk about open relationships popped up, leading my boyfriend one night to tell me in bed he was happy for me to sleep with other men. I replied he was free to do the same.

Now, back home, back into our routine, life remains the same. Our sex life is nearly non-existant, eventhough we are very affectionate to each other (both in & out of bed.) So far, in 2007, we’ve had sex only once.

Some days, I feel that urge to cruise London’s public toilets for cock; other days, I banish my cravings with a visit to the gym or the local swimming pool, where my nervous energy disappears in exercise. I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I’m slowly becoming that gay man who checks every piece of man meat that walks by.

Today, at the gym, a military-type blonde, with cropped hair and tattoos down his legs and arms, arrived like a storm. He fell on the floor, in the middle of us, and did a quick session of push ups (his warm up?) before tackling the free weights. He was so butch, so grade-A man beef, that I was immediately smitten. I couldn’t stop glancing at him. When we found ourselves side by side at the paper towel dispenser, I thought it was a sign from God. His hard face gave nothing away.

My body is shaping nicely, growing lean and strong. The beautiful weather that has reached London makes me feel very energetic, willing to spend more time outdoors. I wish I could regain some sexual attraction for my boyfriend; we both deserve a reconnection.

I don’t know what my boyfriend meant about me being free to sleep with other men. Am I meant to do it behind his back, with a free conscience? Am I meant to tell him about it afterwards? Am I meant to only sleep with the few gay men we call friends (most of whom don’t live in Britain?) Ambiguous freedom is no freedom at all.

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This entry was posted in Cruising, Gym, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Monogamous and Horny

  1. Dan says:

    Deep sigh, I recognise your feelings. Albeit we have different directions in life we both share a feeling of “not sure how long I can keep this up for”..

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