Bisexuality

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I’ve been fascinated for some time now with bisexual men. Do they really exist? Are they closeted gay men who can’t/won’t make the full transition to gay? How do they manage their desires? Do they like men and women equally, or does it vary down a scale? Not necessarily original questions, I know – I think the world has been asking itself the same questions for a long time now.

My curiosity may have been born when I was a teenager and fell in love with my best friend – a straight guy popular with the girls. I held the hope he would turn out to be gay, or bisexual, and fall back in love with me… but it wasn’t meant to be. He loved me and showed a lot of affection, but it was purely as a best friend – as a brother – but to my young, naive self, it was very confusing, and ultimately painful.

Five years ago, I visited a gay sauna for the first time and shagged a guy who claimed to have a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Then last year, I shagged a married guy with two kids. I didn’t get a chance to ask them about their sexuality – I wish I had.

I’m a firm believer in hearing each person out, letting each individual story speak for itself. What fits one person doesn’t necessarily fit anybody else. I asked recently a reader of this blog, HungMark, a guy who identifies himself as bisexual, how it was for him, and he gave me an insightful answer. But then I thought – why not extend the question to all readers of this blog?

So if there are any bisexual men reading this, I would love to hear from you. How did you discover you were bisexual? How does it work in your relationships? In your attraction to others? Does it perfectly describe how you feel? Or perhaps you don’t even think of yourself as bisexual, but as queer? (In the sense that you are attracted by the person and not by their gender or sexuality?)

Feel free to pose back any questions to me if you wish, or even challenge my views.

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Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Haggerston Park and Bankers

A beautiful day in London yesterday, after what felt like weeks of poor, chilly weather. As it was Friday and I was under the buzz of a beer with co-workers, decided to walk home through Hackney rather than take public transport.

I’ve been wanting for ages to check out Haggerston Park’s toilets, after reading about it on Squirt.org, and walking past it some months ago. Friday afternoon, sunshine – it was bound to be busy right?

Unfortunately, there was nobody around, apart from some guys drinking beer nearby or sleeping on benches. I had posted a message on Squirt that I would be there soon, and maybe (or maybe not) that’s why a shirtless runner showed up soon, and then a bearded daddy on his bike.  But by then I was sitting outside, enjoying the good weather, so didn’t feel like going back inside.

Some 15 minutes later, a really attractive guy walked past me, full of purpose, straight for the toilets.  I waited a little and then followed – but he was gone.

I came away with the feeling that it’s a good place to meet guys, but it’s probably best to pre-arrange beforehand.

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I recently found out about Antonio da Silva’s films. One of them, BANKERS, is a documentary about City bankers who cruise public toilets. The trailer looks interesting, as well as other videos featured on Antonio’s website.

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The Cemetery Boy

I ran into the hot cemetery boy this morning, just outside Hackney Wick station. 

He was dressed in a black t-shirt and shorts, carrying his building material (he mentioning back then he worked as a builder.) He looked as sexy as ever as he bought his ticket and took the Overground to Stratford. I don’t think he saw me.

I’ve had a few messages with him since that encounter. Over Xmas I asked if he wanted to hook up, but he never replied to my WhatsApp. Then I found him on Grindr and later I dropped him a line saying someone I knew was looking for a builder. It didn’t come to nothing but I promised to let him know if I’d hear different.

Actually took me by surprise to see him in person, and in the daylight. It is about one year to the day since our hook up.

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One New Change

A quick visit to Old Street’s tube toilets this afternoon. At the urinals, an elderly man furiously jerking off to my left, a young guy on his phone to my right. I was in and out in 5 minutes.

Sunshine suddenly over London. Walked South to St Paul’s and decided to finally check out the infamous and popular cruising spots in One New Change.

Many city guys on the streets, not so many inside. Went up to the second floor and found the toilets. Two guys stood outside, pretending to be on their phones, checking all comings and goings.

As I walked in a young guy was coming out. All urinals were “out of order” and one of the cubicles was blocked. Nobody was about.

Pissed quickly and as I was washing my hands a muscular guy in tight office clothes came in. Maybe it was my imagination but I think he peeked his butt towards me just before I stepped outside.

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Fourth Sauna Visit

Back in October 2016, my boyfriend and I finally visited a sauna together.

We were visiting Bristol over a long weekend, as part of our anniversary. We had spent the Saturday walking the city, starting with an English breakfast by the harbour, and then exploring the Clifton area, and drinking at the Hobgoblin on Gloucester Road. Throughout the day we had chatted about visiting a sauna – taking the plunge – and we found one called Lads Locker Room, right next door to the Wardrobe Theatre, where we saw an evening comedy performance of puppets.

The sauna’s reception doubled up as a bar. A guy behind the bar buzzed us in and asked if it was our first time. I said it was. Two young guys sat at the bar, one wet and in a towel (later, when we were leaving, he had changed and was working behind the bar.) The other, fully clothed, was good looking and wished us a lacklustre welcome.

It was £12 per head, which I offered to pay for my boyfriend and I. But we didn’t have enough cash – luckily the reception accepted bankcards. The receptionist then told us where the changing rooms were, the showers, the dry sauna, and that the porn room and cabins were upstairs.

The place was nearly empty; it looked nothing like what it promoted on its website. A stocky, bald guy sat in the TV room watching BBC1, and an older man loitered by the stairs. My boyfriend and I got changed, already aware that this was not the experience we were expecting. This wasn’t a sensuous spa with nice facilities and tons of men.

Once we were wrapped in our towels, we went to the shower room, a grim area with three showers that took forever to warm up, no soap, and cleaning buckets forgotten nearby, with brooms and mops sticking out of them. Next to the showers was a broken steam room (which we later found out from a regular had been like that for 6 months – none of that info was on the website.)

We decided to check out the dry sauna, which was empty. Once in there, we looked at each other. There was no need for words – the place was a dump.

‘Oh well,’ I said. ‘It’s an experience.’

Lad's Locker Room

We then decided to check out the Jacuzzi. A solitary man in his 50s sat there, bald with long curly grey hair down his neck. His name was Steve: an assiduous regular and a Brexiter. We quizzed him about the sauna’s best times (“1am, when all the young ones arrive from the clubs”) and the best saunas in the UK (“Sweatbox and Pleasuredrome in London, Oasis in Brighton.”) Soon, the stocky guy we’d seen earlier in the lounge joined us. He had dark skin and was very hairy. He said his name was Mark and that he came from Slovakia (my boyfriend thinks that was a made up name.) Mark would end up spending the night chasing us, following us wherever we went, pressing his leg against my boyfriend’s in the jacuzzi, until it was more than obvious we weren’t interested.

We wandered upstairs out of curiosity and found a tiny dark labyrinth that included glory holes (with two guys making out in there), two cabin rooms (two guys fucking in one of them with the door open) and a large porn room where orgies could take place. We stopped to watch some porn, unable to get hard, and Mark soon walked in with a fit guy (who turned out to be Polish). They laid out their towels and started making out. An older man arrived, carrying a shopping bag with his possessions, lay down nearby and started jerking off. We stood up and went back downstairs.

One positive side to the sauna was that the staff were nice. They gave us tap water when we asked at the bar without any hassle. But after an hour in there, we decided it was best if we left. Some men had started to arrive but they all seemed awkward.

My boyfriend concluded we weren’t meant for that environment, that he couldn’t get excited there. When we got back to our Airbnb, we took showers and tried to remove the smell of that place from us.

Posted in Relationships, Sauna | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Quick visit to an old haunt

Late night bus ride home after dinner, drinks and kisses with a guy I met on Tinder some months ago.

Stop at Liverpool St station at 11pm to check out the loos and then change buses. Not many guys by the urinals at first, just a young guy in a blue suit and a few other non-descript fellows.

As I piss, a young guy all in brown arrives, stands not too far from me. Young man in blue suit moves to my side – he’s Superman good looking, with a nice cock that grows thick quickly. A stocky guy then joins us, then more guys.
Young Superman makes signs with his tongue and lips. I smile at him, he smiles back – I want to show I’d be up for blowing him in a cubicle.

But I can’t get hard, and so he moves away to the side of stocky guy, no longer interested. Meanwhile, young guy all in brown is now nervously washing his hands and watching us. Then he moves to the cubicles. I follow and enter the one beside his. I stand there and feel the silliness of it all. I walk out, past the urinals (now packed with guys) and head for my bus stop.

Some minutes later, all in brown young man comes out with Young Superman. Looks like Superman is proposing something to him. He declines with a smile. Young Superman turns around and heads back inside.

Tomorrow, I get to pick up my first shipment of PreP.

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Hampstead Heath videos

I want to try and visit Hampstead Heath’s cruising grounds for the first time this summer. And even bring my boyfriend with me if he’s up for it. The two videos bellow give a flavour of it – not only the sex but the guys watching from the sidelines…

https://www.xtube.com/video-watch/embedded/Hampstead-Heath-day-30645181?embedSize=big
Hampstead Heath day powered by XTube

https://www.xtube.com/video-watch/embedded/Hampstead-Heath-day-PART-2-30650061?embedSize=big
Hampstead Heath day PART 2 powered by XTube

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